wildflowersoul | (no subject)

So in an effort to solve our dinner time struggles, I've been reading a couple of Ellyn Satter's books, and I have to say they are blowing my mind. One of her key points is that parents need to let go of their own baggage and control issues. We're not responsible for whether our kids turn out fat or not (I suppose that's within the reasonable parameters of not stuffing your kids with oreos and fried food). We're not responsible for our kids' happiness. I... kind of have a lot of baggage that needs to be unpacked. Type A, perfectionist, control freak? Yup. I need to settle the hell down. I'm not going to get an A in parenting. No one even hands out As in parenting. I think there's a lot of good that can come from some degree of mindfulness in parenting, but I also wonder if there's a limit, and if being too mindful just makes the entire experience a dreary slog of shoulds and shouldn'ts. I'd like to be more present in the moment, and I'd like to enjoy this experience more than I have been (not to say that it's been miserable, but I think I've been putting too much pressure on myself to be perfect).

Anyway. I am pretty seriously considering doing NaNoWriMo this year. Logged into my NaNo account today to get things ready to go. Thought of a potential novel idea. Kind of excited to see if I can do it. Besides, I guess I need a project I can channel my perfectionism into.

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My two cents is that it is okay to be mindful as long as you aren't stuck in second guessing yourself. The fact that you are even aware of how you are as a parent and want to be the best parent you can be puts you light years ahead of most parents.

I do think you can be really hard on yourself. You are a super awesome mom and West is lucky to have you. I hope this new frame of mind does help you enjoy parenting as much as possible. I completely understand how the day to day can bog you down.

NaNoWriMo sounds like an awesome plan! Keep me updated on how that goes.

Thanks, hun. I feel like there are so many things to remember and I can't keep everything in the forefront of my brain all the time. Like I'm really not sure I know what I'm doing about discipline. I don't want to be a hard ass but I don't want my kid to be the daycare jerk hitting other people. But this is the only time we're going to get to hang out with 15 month old West, so I should let go a bit and enjoy it!

Well, I'm not expert, but at his age I think discipline consists of redirection and limits. He hits because he is still learning how to express himself. Telling him no and giving him a different choice is about all you can do at this point. I know you probably feel like a broken record, but your consistency is teaching him the rules. I'm sure that is all they are doing at daycare. (Also, they all hit at that age so he can't be the daycare jerk)

This. DITTO.

What are the food issues you guys are having? We're struggling here too and have to distract Parker to get him to eat dinner. Tonight we put him in the booster set instead of the high chair and it went great. (Of course, it was still just puree, not 'real food.')

Extreme pickiness, combined with crazy fussiness if he doesn't get exactly what he wants (usually crackers or Happy Baby crunchies, which are not exactly my idea of a healthy meal). He just outright refuses to try almost any new food, and even foods he's liked in the past can mysteriously turn into "no no"s at the drop of a hat. The books I'm reading are really awesome, I highly recommend them (one is called Child of Mine: Feeding with Love & Good Sense, the other is called Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family). Her big thing is sitting down for family meals, which we're still working on timing because he's usually hungry before we can get dinner on the table. We're trying to get West to eat at least some of what we're eating, otherwise it's a rotation of baked chicken, chicken nuggets, spinach nuggets, broccoli nuggets, meatballs, yogurt, and cheesy broccoli potatoes.

I swear, we're raising nearly identical children! Same problems, every time. I'll check out the books, thanks for the recommendation.

By the way, we ended up having to do cry it out and it wasn't all that bad. Still not great int he sleeping department but at least I'm not spending my nights nursing him 12 times, at every whine and cry.

I know, I wish we lived closer, I bet they'd be good buddies.

I may ask you for some cry it out advice if our current lull stops working- we've had a decent few nights while he's been recovering from some kind of illness. I'm starting to figure out that there are times he cries a little but then settles down on his own, and I think I had been making it worse by going to him every time that happened. But then there are times when he doesn't settle and the crying ramps up to crazyville. I'm also trying to get out of the habit of co-sleeping from laziness because I think he actually sleeps better on his own (I will admit I kind of got used to baby snuggles with co-sleeping and sometimes miss the snugs but I'd rather he SLEEP so it's a fair trade). So glad you're having better nights! Sleep is worth it.