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Jun. 2nd, 2011 08:40 amRecipe for being kind of glad to get to work in the morning:
1) Morning poop: Baby should slam one meaty little calf directly into the poopy diaper, mushing poop all over his leg. While you mull over your cleanup approach, he should then drag the opposite foot into the leg poop, because double poop where it shouldn't be is obvs. the best way to start a day. Wipe poop while attempting to keep his hands from straying into his poopy junk.
2) Discover that baby has become Wolverine overnight and needs a manicure lest he gouge people at daycare. While attempting to cut his nails baby should scream and flail at maximum volume and flailage because otherwise it's not challenging enough to trim tiny razor sharp nails.
3) It's hot and sunny, so let's get some sunscreen on that baby! You're a responsible mom! This will result in tears, kicks, and wails for Baby Face should never be touched for purposes of cleaning or skin protection. I suppose he'd be happiest if we let baby food crust onto his face, thus getting rid of the need to wipe his face clean and then later slather it with lotions and sunscreens.
4) Wrangle baby into stroller for walk to daycare, decide that the slightly brisk breeze coming off the water warrants a sweater, wrangle baby into sweater while hoping the neighbors can't hear his wails of protest.
I need some coffee.
1) Morning poop: Baby should slam one meaty little calf directly into the poopy diaper, mushing poop all over his leg. While you mull over your cleanup approach, he should then drag the opposite foot into the leg poop, because double poop where it shouldn't be is obvs. the best way to start a day. Wipe poop while attempting to keep his hands from straying into his poopy junk.
2) Discover that baby has become Wolverine overnight and needs a manicure lest he gouge people at daycare. While attempting to cut his nails baby should scream and flail at maximum volume and flailage because otherwise it's not challenging enough to trim tiny razor sharp nails.
3) It's hot and sunny, so let's get some sunscreen on that baby! You're a responsible mom! This will result in tears, kicks, and wails for Baby Face should never be touched for purposes of cleaning or skin protection. I suppose he'd be happiest if we let baby food crust onto his face, thus getting rid of the need to wipe his face clean and then later slather it with lotions and sunscreens.
4) Wrangle baby into stroller for walk to daycare, decide that the slightly brisk breeze coming off the water warrants a sweater, wrangle baby into sweater while hoping the neighbors can't hear his wails of protest.
I need some coffee.
